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Posts Tagged ‘Speed’

MISSISSIPPI MASS CHOIR – “Amazing Grace”- favored by @OGochoCinco Chad Ochocinco – Average BPM=100 1/5 BPM, the Universal Speed of Sexual Climax

August 29, 2010 Ian A Schneider 1 comment

On twitter the fine wide receiver, Star of the television program “The Ultimate Catch”. @OGochoCinco a/k/a Chad Ochocinco _ This waltz time of 100 1/5 beats per minute indicates the speed of the natural truth.

Is it because Chad is associated with his 38 million dollar hands that I call 100.1 BPM “the Universal Speed of Sexual Climax”?  No, my mom would kill me if I joked about this – anyone who knows me knows this as true.  Rather, where until 2004 it was considered by the medical community and the science community in general axiomatic that the ONLY rhythm of ANY part of the body of a man or a woman during sex that is predictable was the speed of climax, insofar as spasms of the genitals and pelvic area in general was the same.  People used to think this because of the work of Masters & Johnson.  Turns out: this is EXACTLY CORRECT.  However, during such time as Masters & Johnson measured the speeds, instruments for finding same were, as Dr. Masters *personally told me*, were  too crude to know if the accepted 1/2 century 800 milliseconds or 75 beats, or orgasmic spasms, per minute, specifically 6 to 7 and then a few more, slowing down then to a stop.  The German scientists after the century went to more precise work on this and validated every element of Masters’ work.  However, with the body measurement technology, it was determined  through experiments that the orgasmic contractions were in fact a universal 100 beats per minute.

Amazing Grace/Why We Don't Rap - MIssissippi Mass Choir - bpm scan by meanspeed music

Amazing Grace/Why We Don't Rap - Mississippi Mass Choir - bpm scan by meanspeed music

I am NOT suggesting that Amazing Grace is being sung intentionally, at least in this song (!) as expressing sexuality.  Every piece of music has thousands if not millions of elements.  In this song, such as, the syncopated waltz time, the African-American choir tones, the melody, the harmony are all FAR more important than the tempo.  Tempo is to a song as the weather report is to the news.  So: you stop and think, sometimes a waltz piece can be as The Skater’s Waltz or Happy Birthday or an especially quick version of the Merry Widow’s Waltz.  As far as weather?  I am about to go see the Somerset Patriots play against the Southern Maryland Bluecrabs: last night, the temperature was 72 degrees, a non factor.  TODAY?  Over 90 degrees!  So as you can see, or feel: sometime the tempo is all you want to know from the news.

I picked the song and the YouTube clip as a direct recommendation of Chad.  Requests are starting to come in to meanspeed® music nonprofit music education, as more people realize that in this wildly changing economy that school programs for music for students is considered “nonessential” – so Juliette Lewis‘ favored Life In The Fast Lane comes next – and *you*????  Please keep the requests coming.

Ian A Schneider

meanspeed® music

8/29/2010

New Jersey Free School Tempo Maps, May 27, 2010, Genesis, IT’S GONNA GET BETTER | Beach Boys, WOULN’T IT BE NICE | Sting FIELDS OF GOLD

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On May 27, 2010, the New Jersey Free School analyzed 3 songs and measured speed in the form of contemporary tempo maps: “Fields of Gold” by Sting, “It’s Gonna Get Better” by Genesis and  Beach Boys, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.”

Please direct any questions to njfreeschool@gmail.com and you will be treated as any other person.  No online follower is considered more important than another.

Thank You,

Ian A Schneider

JamesMmanning-san

New Jersey Free School/meanspeed® music nonprofit education

May 27, 2010

Sting - no mp3 - no lyrics - Fields of Gold meanspeed_bpm_scan

Sting - no mp3 - no lyrics - Fields of Gold meanspeed_bpm_scan

Page’s finest minute! STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, THE PRECISE SPEED OF THE GUITAR SOLO AND A REPLY TO CUBASE®’S “oh, yeah?! what about the *solo*” Query – Proof: Videos, Maps, Sheet Music Proof of PURCHASE.

Cubase®, the mediocre company, was looking at the post contained on this site on the Led Zeppelin song called STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.  Unable to recreate anything I did by computer exposes Cubase®’s severe limits and over-representations of its quality.

stairway to heaven gtr solo - NJ Free School - image symmetry

stairway to heaven gtr solo - NJ Free School - image symmetry

I received an email from same Cubase® asking in angry envy: “oh yeah, what is the speed of the SOLO?”

Only after a phone call from same company told me to PUT UP OR SHUTUP did I decide to put the solo up, all 20 measures, beat by beat.  Eat it, Cubase®.  For the rest of y’all: do not look at it if you want to keep your “mystery” element of the song.  Anyone wanting to see the solo: the admission is priceless, therefore, FREE.

stairway to heaven gtr solo - NJ Free School - LOVE

stairway to heaven gtr solo - NJ Free School - LOVE

This is the solo, recreated by a YouTube guitarist, in question:

James Manningsan and new intern OLIVIA STRAIGHT worked days, days and many days to make sure our measurements of tempo correct, because it is not every day one can talk back at the bold-yet-irrelevant arrogance at Cubase®, America’s biggest advertiser of tempo software that DOES NOT HAVE THE REQUISITE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TO “DISCERN” exactly where the beat is.  If such software existed, robots would have been outdancing humans for over a decade.  CUBASE: how ya doing ay those silent beat algorithms?  Be real, Cubase: I love you all, but I would appreciate candor and a STOPPING OF HYPERBOLE AND FSALSE PROMISES!  Look what happened to the Stanford fraud.  Look at how MixMeister is being exposed for that which they can do well – same as you – and that which they cannot, same as you.  Who is buying this?  As the Beatles said, “THINK FOR YOURSELF.”

/Mariano Carlton/

/James Manningsan/

/Oliva the intern/

march 29. 2009

NEW JERSEY FREE SCHOOL/meanspeed®-carlton time measurement