Meanspeed® Music Review

Who got kicked off and who is competing this week by speed, calibrations by Ian Schneider supervised by James C.C. Manning. Of the first 4 booted, 3 had songs in the slowest 10/24 songs.  The faster “Suspicious Minds” had a terrible tempo gimmick that backfired–the 126 BPM to 58 BPM triplets in the middle and back  was the equivalent of the most hokey gadget play in football, as a fake statue of liberty play, reverse and wide receiver throws the ball to the QB – that will work, but if not,  ”OH, THE CRASSITUDE!”Of the men, David Archuletta was amazing.  Idol’s band is quite simple *awesome* – and in Shop Around, one can literally feel the band pick it up a level of enthusiasm with this kid.  Last night, the yet to be calibrated  ”Imagine” had the judges drooling – I have accompanied singers on piano for 33 years, and yeah, that kid is just amazing. Enough for now. Tomorrow I will post all the speeds for the week.  It is not about the tempo *itself* so much that makes one good or bad – it is “are you friends with it or are you uncomfortable playing in time?”  I see the competition coming down to David versus Asiah Epperson, who last week was completely professional and wildly at home in her speed – ie, she has amazing *timing*.  That is how Hicks won – I called that at first audition.  This year, though, there are at leat 5 or 6 that would have beat Hicks or McPhee last year – *easily*.  

We calibrated each tempo for the 24 finalists that appeared on Tuesday and Wednesday last week.  Asserting the entirety of the theory of speed having its own nature and set of patterns in human communication is one thing, applying this questionable knowledge in actual life is, like, *another thing*.    Just what we need – another new idea!  Stay with me a moment!  I had the idea that since American Idol is the most popular “town hall” in the country, having outpaced network news and network programs and in the end establishing its own culture, putting all 24 speeds up would, like, bring us all together.   Or have I watched THE BIG LEBOWSKI one time too many? You can get the identical screen at home by:1) laying out a whole 99 ¢ for the song; 2) pressing CNT/I on windows or mac, entering the BPM, and closing.   
It’s really simple to do, and the reason [Steve Jobs] speaks not of it is, because like any good actor, he is saving something for the second act.   Apple knows every speed of all these songs down to the .00001% BPM.  Yet, the information is *only provided when wrong*.  My embarrassing number of downloads don’t lie (2,000?) – I’m enough of a sinner in other ways, so: I don’t do LimeWire.  I’m a drummer, albeit an average amateur drummer – you have to pay the piper!  Jobs is saving something for the final act.  Get control of your speed before Jobs’ speed controls *you* – about this I do not joke.I digress too much – but, in the world of staying legal, you don’t have that leftover $2,000 to get your website fixed.   So you turn to WordPress’ fantastic free press, and suck it up.   PLEASE DONT STEAL MUSIC BECAUSE IN SO DOING, YOU ARE KILLING THE MUSICIAN.  THE *where will your next favorite song* come from?  The last thing you want to do, and if you have read this far you must agree: Is burn out our true favorite songs.  Reminds me of these kids who watch The Wizard Of Oz three times a week on DVD.  How much sheer joy do the miss by not having it appear on national television *once per year*?   Those *were* days – but I’m turning old – I’m 45 – so, of course, I’m into the whole “our stuff was better” thing.  Working on it!  
 As Dr. Phil says: cannot change a problem until you acknowledge same”- this sentence alone  is an example of McGraw’s real-i-tude. Before DR. Phil we had Phil Donahue – a true man of evil, and, being a Jewish Episcopalian, I am dying to gossip about what everyone in Connecticyt knows about Donahue, but I am tempered by knowing that my sins are just as bad! Donahue & I both needed McGraws no-nonsense:BLAME NOBODY/EXPECT NOTHING/DO SOMETHING philosophy.  Actually, that was Bill Parcells’ creed, but if the shoe fits, cite it.  McGraw and the Tuna  are what the United States is all about. Here’s a simple application: if you downloaded a song from last week and you were tasked the mission to make a playlist out of the twenty-four songs, what is the easiest way to do it – a way that, like, the pro’s do it?  What the screen shots try to show you that in picking which song to play after another, speed, or tempo, depending on what you call it, can simply make a better list.  There is a reason most “speed’ and “BPM” books are aimed at DJs, and increasingly karaoke and people who enjoy exercising to a beat – as in spin classes, Nike + iTunes sneakers that let you run and monitor your running speed to near perfection.  I know Panasonic has a gadget that claims to let you change the speed without changing pitch – common to DJ equipment and common in recording music – but something I have never played on a digital player.    For more Fox’s site –   

http://www.americanidol.com/contestants/season7/ .

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“Fly Me to the Moon” is a pop standard song written in 1954 by Bart Howard. When introduced by Felicia Sanders on the cabaret circuit, it was originally titled “In Other Words”. The song became popularly called “Fly Me to the Moon” from its first line, but it took a few years for the publishers to change the title officially.It was first recorded in 1954 by Kaye Ballard (of the television show The Mothers-in-Law).

Frank Sinatra recorded the song in 1964 on his It Might as Well Be Swingcollaboration with Count Basie, and this became the rendition that many people identified the song with.”

As the Meanspeed summary below indicates, the speed of the song come in the meanspeed music theory category, “mean emotion,” of FOREBODING. When we think of the song today, sure, we here the old time, feel-good swing. The Good ‘Ol Days were here – though at the time we did not realize how relatively sweet the Cold War years would be compared to ours. You think about it, the title, Frank Sinatra, and you say, “How can this be a song that emotes Foreboding?” Listen closely. Something a little different there, am I wrong? As Frank’s Witchcraft: the love song with that ripple of uncertain unease waving through it – pardon the metaphor, please. This element – the mix of happier elements elements of the song with its inherently dark speed leads to what meanspeed theory calls speed irony. Musical irony of this type is defined by the manner in which the tempo sounds “upbeat” – what people generally associate with happy, when lowered by 3 percent – becomes an “eerie upbeat.” This is what I talk about when I use terms like musical determinism – a idea that is based in neurological determinism: despite the sweet Frank delivery, the beatific orchestral playing, the smooth as silk swing rhythm, the mean speed pf 117.5 beats per minute simple determines that which is emoted. That is not to say it dictates that which is emoted – speed is one of many elements of music communication. That said, of the elements of music that are not well understood, none has been more of a mystery than the effects of the change of only a small fraction of tempo or speed in a song. Thanks to quartz and digital technology in recording and calibrating, and people as myself who love to wake up at 3:37 A.M. to research new ideas in this area of music psychology. This area, now known as the “emotions of mental chronometry” – a concept many would not believe to be testable much less one worthy of debate. After all, how can a sound sequence itself expose emotions? I hear you out there. Take a look at the lists as ‘114-118 – Foreboding’ provided on these pages. A “think again” will not be necessary! Don’t get hooked, even on a theory though Speed is addictive. Look at me on Saturday at 4 AM- better yet, like my wife, enjoy the fact that I’m not laying there with ya!Meanspeed Summarysong=”Fly Me To The Moon”performer=Frank Sinatrabeats measured=2,176beats per trial=272time elapsed=1,389.16 secondsmean time per trial=138.92 secondsmean speed=117.49 beats per minuteaverage beat=511 millisecondsmean emotion according to Meanspeed Music Theory=foreboding Ian SchneiderFebruary 24, 2008charts by James Manning, Ian Schneider. © 2007 Meanspeed Music.